hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
no, he came in my armpit
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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