You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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