I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize