she was so not down for the gang bang
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
