I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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