New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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