So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
