I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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