my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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