if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
