Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
