he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's always time for handjobs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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