It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
