I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're like the curious george of whores
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
