what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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