More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
