im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
