So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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