Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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