He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
