When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
