before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
why is half of my head shaved?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
