Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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