i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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