I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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