either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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