It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
