I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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