When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
