just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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