# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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