...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
