I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
