she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
