I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
