well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
