Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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