does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
