Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
