Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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