how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
