Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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