Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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