Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
why is half of my head shaved?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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