and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
