how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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