I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
