I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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