I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
