He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
