Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
