I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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