mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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