Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
