Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
