Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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