My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
