True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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