Your face is a jimmy john
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
