Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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