It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
