Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
