He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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