wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
