Just mADE A PArabola og urine
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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