I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
