I hate your face
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
