Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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