this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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